When Feelings Feel Like Too Much: 3 Gentle Ways to Make Space
Let's be honest. When life feels like a , your feelings don't just show up they arrive. Hot flushes come with a side of irritability. Brain fog brings a wave of shame. Exhaustion drags along a heavy blanket of "I can't do this anymore." And your natural instinct? Fight it. Fix it. Make it stop.
Here's what I've learned as a psychologist with ADHD: fighting your feelings doesn't make them go away. It just makes them louder.
It's about learning to make space for them so they stop running the show. And the research backs this up. A large meta-analysis found that ACT is an effective intervention for reducing psychological distress and improving wellbeing.
Another meta-analysis showed ACT significantly improves anxiety, depression, and psychological flexibility with benefits that stick around even after treatment ends. Even specifically for menopausal women, studies show ACT-based counselling can significantly improve mood, reduce anxiety and depression, and enhance quality of life across vasomotor, psychosocial, sexual, and physical domains.
So how do we actually do that? Here are three gentle, practical ways to start making space for your feelings without fighting them.
1. The Healing Hand
When a feeling is intense maybe anxiety sitting heavy in your chest, or frustration burning in your belly gently lay a hand on that part of your body. Imagine this is a healing hand. Not a "fixing" hand. Just a warm, steady presence. Send some warmth into that area. Not to get rid of the feeling, but to soften around it. To say, without words: "I know you're here. I'm not running away."
This isn't magic. It's neuroscience. Physical touch activates the parasympathetic nervous system, signalling safety to your brain. You're not abandoning yourself. You're showing up.
2. Allowing
Most of us spend our days in a silent battle with feelings we don't want. I shouldn't be this anxious. Why am I so irritable? I need to snap out of this. That battle is exhausting. And it doesn't work.
Try this instead: see if you can allow the feeling to be there. You don't have to like it. You don't have to want it. Just pause and say to yourself: "Okay. This is here." That's it. No fixing. No fighting. Just a quiet truce.
When you stop wrestling with a feeling, you stop giving it all your energy. And suddenly, you have a little more room to breathe.
3. Normalising
Here's my favourite. When a difficult feeling shows up especially one that comes with shame, like "Why can't I handle this better?" try this gentle reframe. Say to yourself: "This feeling tells me I'm a normal human being who has a heart and who cares."
Because here's the truth: difficult feelings aren't signs that you're broken. They're signs that you're alive. That there's a gap between what you want and what you've got. And that gap? It means you care.
So next time you catch yourself thinking "What's wrong with me?" try swapping in: "This is what humans feel. And I'm allowed to feel it."
You don't have to wait until menopause is "over" or your ADHD is "managed" to start feeling better. You can start right now, with exactly what's here. One breath. One gentle hand. One quiet "okay" at a time.
